“Why can’t you just pay attention?”  “Stop being so emotional.”

Sound familiar? If you grew up as a girl with undiagnosed ADHD, you may have heard these sorts of words often. Many women only discover their ADHD later in life, after years of feeling overwhelmed, people-pleasing, or blaming themselves.

What Does ADHD Really Look Like?

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is something that is often associated with someone who can’t seem to focus or sit still. Yet, in actuality, it is a recognized brain condition that causes symptoms of inattention, as well as hyperactivity and impulsivity. Unfortunately, much of the research that is available today details that this condition is under diagnosed in women.

For many women, it presents as being inattentive, which is in comparison to the hyperactivity aspect of ADHD. Common symptoms include:

  • Forgetfulness
  • Emotional overwhelm
  • Difficulty starting or completing tasks
  • Masking
  • Perfectionism

Because over time these symptoms can lead to reaching out for anxiety or depression therapy, when going through the process of getting support, the connection to a potential ADHD diagnosis for women with ADHD can be missed.

Why It’s So Often Misunderstood

When looking for signs and symptoms of ADHD, early research tends to focus on hyperactive boys. As girls and, in turn, women, are socialized, we can become “too good,” which results in hiding symptoms. This can lead in a later diagnosis, presenting during adulthood.

The constant effort to “keep up” often leads to chronic self-blame for many. Common experiences include feeling as though you are not succeeding, wanting to please people, over-preparing, overcompensating, and burnout from masking. The emotional cost can be seen through feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and isolation.

It’s Not All In Your Head: ADHD is Real

What is most important to recognize is that you are not alone! ADHD can affect executive functioning, attention, motivation, and time perception. It is key to recognize that internal struggles are real, even if and when they do not cause external disruption.

Strategies for Support

  • Starting small
  • Progress, not perfection
  • Time blocking or using visual timers
  • Body doubling, which is the act of working alongside another individual
  • Self-compassion
  • Emotional regulation
  • Reframing shame

If you’d like to speak with a professional who offers ADHD therapy for women in Toronto, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for ADHD along with executive functioning coaching is a solid combination to address challenging symptoms that impacting your functioning or relationships.

FAQ About ADHD & Women

1. Isn’t ADHD just for kids?

No – many adults are undiagnosed until later on in life. It is estimated that at least 60% of women are diagnosed as adults.

2. Can I have ADHD if I had good grades or am a high performer?

Yes – masking, perfectionism, and overcompensation are common leading to females developing strong coping skills that hide ADHD.

3. Does struggling with motivation mean I’m lazy?

No – ADHD affects how the brain regulates motivation and reward including issues with dopamine regulation and executive functioning that can make tasks feel overwhelming.

If you’re starting to wonder whether ADHD might be part of your story, you’re not alone – and you’re not imagining it. Working with a therapist who understands women and ADHD can be a space to unlearn shame, build systems that actually work for your brain, and reconnect with your strengths.

Ready to explore next steps? At Horizon Therapy you can begin by booking a free 20-minute consultation or scheduling a first session if you’re ready. Sessions are both in person in Toronto or online across Ontario. Let’s talk about what support could look like for you!

About the Author

Hi, I’m Jessica Chesler – an Addictions Counsellor and MSW Intern at Horizon Therapy. I hold a Bachelor of Arts with Honours from Wilfrid Laurier University and a Graduate Certificate in Addictions and Mental Health from Durham College.

I’m passionate about supporting people through the complex challenges of substance use, mental health, ADHD, and emotional balancing. My approach is compassionate, grounded, and client-centred. I’m currently completing my Master of Social Work and working toward full clinical registration, and I’m here to help you feel seen, supported, and empowered as you navigate your own path forward.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Hallowell, E. M., & Ratey, J. J. (2021). ADHD 2.0: New science and essential strategies for thriving with distraction—from childhood through adulthood. Ballantine Books.

Hinshaw, S. P., & Scheffler, R. M. (2014). The ADHD explosion: Myths, medication, money, and today’s push for performance. Oxford University Press.

Quinn, P. O., & Madhoo, M. (2014). A review of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in women and girls: Uncovering this hidden diagnosis. The Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders, 16(3). https://doi.org/10.4088/PCC.13r01596

Ramsay, J. R., & Rostain, A. L. (2015). The adult ADHD toolbox: Real strategies to manage your symptoms and build your life. PESI Publishing & Media.

Sari Solden & Associates. (2020). Women with ADHD: A life-changing guide to embrace neurodiversity and live boldly. Penguin Life.

Young, S., Adamo, N., Ásgeirsdóttir, B. B., Branney, P., Beckett, M., Colley, W., & Gudjonsson, G. (2020). Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for the identification and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in girls and women. BMC Psychiatry, 20, 404. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02707-9